Wow, Im doing well! One post per month! LOL Homework and life is weighing down heavily on me now. I probably will not have time to post again before graduation. Orals are on April 12th. I feel like I know nothing...especially when I am quizzed. =( Between now and the 40 days. 21 hours, and some odd minutes before commencement, I have sooooo much to get done. I won't lie to you, it has been Extremely hard to entrust to God my worries and concerns and just simply to trust Him to get me through it all.
Being completely open here, it has been a struggle to the point that I allowed myself to be so stressed about it and other parts of life that I have made myself sick (massive headaches every day, stomach cramps and the whole works...) just because I couldn't let myself trust my great God. I couldn't trust that He hadn't given to me more than I could bear and I couldn't trust that He would strengthen me to get all done that needed to be done each day. How foolish I have been. Yes, the pressure is still there to get things done, but trying to do things on my own is impossible. I was right when I said that I can't do it. It's not possible. Only through Christ is it possible to bear up under the pressure, but with Christ bearing the burden, my yolk is made light (Matthew 11:28-30).
In addition to being sick due to stress, I had become entirely self-focused. No longer could I see the heartaches of those around me because my eyes and thoughts were consumed with self. And to top it off, I expected everyone else to be focused on me too and pity me for all that I have to do in the next 40 days. And when they didn't pity me, I became bitter. My life was full of one wrong action/thought after another and I was walking further and further from God. But God was faithful. A good friend encouraged me to read Lamentations 3 so I did. I had actually forgotten how the chapter started out..all I remembered was verses 22-23 which talk about the faithfulness of God. The beginning of the chapter though, was a lament, a cry, to God of how life was hard and unfair. Exactly what I was thinking and feeling. But God truly is faithful and good; His mercies are new EVERY morning. Such encouragement from God to me.
Another realization was that others have gone before me. Others have had the same struggles and others will come after me with similar struggles. I hope that if you are in the slumps of despair as I was, that you would turn to Scripture to find your way out. And furthermore, talk to someone. I received a call from a lady I have adopted as my second mom and it just helped sooo much to talk. To be told how I was trying to take on too much responsibility and was trying to do things in my own strength that I was not meant to try to accomplish on my own. Titus 2 talks about the need for older women to teach the younger women. There are sooo many women who have gone before us and can teach us from experience and knowledge. Take advantage of that opportunity and reach out for wisdom from those who have gone before you!
On a bit of a lighter note...
This week was spring break for the kids so I actually have not seen them since..last Friday. I am looking forward to Monday for obvious reasons =) This week has been good though, I have been able to get a bit of catching-up homework done and was able to work through the issues I mentioned in the first half of this post. Additionally, i was able to catch up on a bit of sleep which was pretty needed! As much as I missed the sun and beautifully warm days, I think it helped me to stay focused and study because this week has been cooler and rainy. Although, the moment it gets nice out again, Im going to desire to forsake the studying and go for a bike ride or something!
I turned in an application for an apartment this summer...hopefully that will all pan out as Im not really sure of any other options at this point. Another point to wait patiently for the Lord and His perfect timing.
This week has also taught me to trust God with various relationships and people in my life. God IS in control and I am not. And furthermore, He is working things out for My good and for the good of my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ(Romans 8:28). How awesome is that?! Its much easier to trust when I keep this in mind and specifically when I keep God as my focus and not myself =)
Well, I must get back to the books. =)
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